The Living Nightmare
by Sirius Black4
Summary: This is PG for a bit of blood... nothing too bad. It's about Sirius Black and what he experienced the day of and after Halloween in 1981. It's a tear jerker, so be prepared to get depressed


Sirius Black roared on his motorbike through the sheets of rain, willing it to go faster

Sirius Black roared on his motorbike through the sheets of rain, willing it to go faster. He anxiously scanned the ground below him, his mind racing frantically. Peter was gone. Voldemort's Death Eaters must have captured him… Then why hadn't there been signs of struggle? Something was wrong. He had to warm Lily and James. Voldemort might be there any minute… they needed to move their hiding place. Now.

The motorbike soared over Godric's Hollow. Sirius had always loved flying over here. The quaint little cottages had always seemed so warm and welcoming to him. Felix Maddock had raised a disbelieving eyebrow when Sirius tried to explain the comfort he got from it. Remus Lupin had laughed at Sirius' 'poetic streak'. James hadn't. He had understood. But the cottages held no friendliness now. Rain bounced off of their roofs and the ditches were overflowing with murky water. All of their lights were out and they looked foreboding and mocking. As though they were laughing at him because he was too late…

"Stupid motorbike!" He shouted into the night. The motorbike wouldn't speed up. He _needed_ to get to James and his family. Sirius finally reached where their house was and his blood turned to ice.

Their house was in ruins.

He knew he was too late.

Sirius sped toward the ground with alarming speed. He jumped off his motorbike before it had even landed and ran toward the ruins, his shoulder-length black hair soaking wet in the torrent of rain and sticking to his face.

"JAMES?!" He called, as though his friend would walk out of the rubble, smile at him and ask him why he was yelling.

Sirius pushed the splintered door in his path out of the way and stepped into the house, once so familiarly filled with the aroma of Chinese food ("I hate to cook," Lily had said). Now it was alien and strange, with splintered wood and mounds of rubble. The only smell the air held now was of smoke and burnt rubber. Sirius turned a corner.

"Oh my God." He whispered in a shaking voice.

Lily was lying on the ground, her bright green eyes, once so full of life, open and glassy. Sirius stumbled up to her and knelt down. He put his face in his hands and cried.

What about James? The question rang in his head, taunting him. He didn't need to look to find out. He knew already.

'But there's still a chance he escaped with Harry…' He thought. Sirius stood up and wiped his eyes. "James?" he asked in a small voice.

No answer.

Anguish ripped through his soul. His best friend was gone. He screamed. "JAMES!"

A hoarse, muffled voice made him look up. "Sirius?"

Sirius took a deep, shaking breath and looked around. "James? James, where are you?" He looked around and saw a bloody leg sticking out of a pile of rubble. He raced over, his heart pounding out of his chest, and frantically pulled the rubble off of the body, finally uncovering James' head.

Sirius instantly felt sick and weak at the knees. James' eye was swollen and red and half of his face had a bloody slash across it. Every inch of his body was covered in blood and James had a dazed look on his face. 

His eyes focused on Sirius. "I'm dying, aren't I?" he croaked.

It wasn't a question.

Sirius swallowed several times to dissolve the unbearable knot in his throat. "N-no." He managed a strained smile. "Of course you're not dying, Jimbo." Sirius wished desperately that he himself would believe it.

James smiled at the old nickname. His smile disappeared as he coughed. Blood bubbled out of his mouth. His soft brown eyes met Sirius' and he said, "Peter wasn't tortured. He betrayed us. I saw him out the window… Sirius, take care of Harry for me."

"Don't you dare say that. Don't you dare die on me." Sirius' voice wavered. He hadn't the heart to tell him that Harry was probably dead already. "James, I'm serious."

__

"A serious Sirius. That'll be the day." James said that a few weeks ago, laughing over the time Sirius as a dog had fake-attacked James. Lily had screamed her head off. Well, here he was, serious as a heart attack.

"Take care of Harry…"

The spark in James' eyes flickered and died and his tense face relaxed.

Sirius lifted his shaking hands to his face, running them through his sopping hair. He kept them up on his head and let his head drop till his forehead hit the ground.

"This can't be happening." He thought numbly. "It's another one of James' stupid tricks. In a minute everyone's going to come out and laugh about how I was fooled. Or it's a nightmare. This can't happen to us. We're the _Marauders_."

He couldn't cry. His grief was beyond tears. He closed his eyes and memories danced on his eyelids.

"Sirius?" Came a familiar husky voice from behind him. "Yeh… yeh found ou'."

Sirius stood up on shaky legs and looked at him. "Hagrid." He choked out.

The giant man put a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "There wasn' nothin' yeh coulda done." He said gently, though tears were welling up in his eyes.

"Yes there was." Sirius whispered softly. For the first time he noticed the bundle of blankets in Hagrid's arms. He leaned foreward and pulled back the blankets to reveal the sleeping face of Harry. He had a bleeding gash across his forehead.

Sirius breathed in sharply. "Harry?! But… how…?"

"I don' know. I was jus' as shocked as you tha' he was still alive."

_"Sirius, take care of Harry for me."_ The words echoed in his mind.

"Hagrid, give him to me. I'm his godfather…"

Hagrid pulled the bundle closer to his chest. "Sorry, Sirius. I got me orders from Dumbledore to bring Harry to him."

Sirius was shocked. "_What_? What's going to happen to him?"

"He's goin' ter live with his aunt and uncle."

A rage flared up in Sirius. "WHAT?!" 

Vernon and Petunia were Muggles of the worst kind. The last time Lily had gone to visit them they had had her arrested, and Lily magicked her way out. It had taken the Ministry weeks to cover up all the magic, and quite a bit of work to turn Petunia from a horse back into a human. They _hated_ Lily, especially Petunia. Ever since Voldemort had killed Lily's parents they had been terrified of all magic. Sirius couldn't imagine how they'd treat Harry.

"Hagrid, you can't. I'll take care of him! I can manage! Please, _please_ give him to me. He can't live as a Muggle!"

Pity flickered behind Hagrid's eyes but he remained obstinate. "No. I got me orders. Dumbledore's trusted me."

Sirius swallowed and looked down. Hagrid wouldn't give up, and he knew it. Sirius could hardly think straight through his grief. 

"Can I at least hold him?"

Hagrid eyed him somewhat suspiciously. 

"I won't Disapparate. I promise."

Hagrid's face relaxed into a smile and he handed Harry over to him. Sirius looked into the sleeping face of Harry and remembered the face of James right before he died. He raised his fingers and passed them over Harry's wound, using an old Auror trick. When his hand pulled away it was healed. Sirius put his finger on top of Harry's tiny fist. The fist opened and Harry clutched Sirius' finger. His eyes opened. When he saw Sirius' face he gurgled a laugh, and Sirius couldn't help but smile through his pain. He looked back up at Hagrid and said, "Take my motorbike. I won't need it anymore."

Indeed he wouldn't. "Stupid hunk of junk." He thought bitterly. "It didn't get me here in time."

Hagrid looked at him closely before thanking him and taking Harry back. He walked out the door. Sirius watched as he clambered onto the bike, and Sirius finally started to cry as Harry disappeared into the gray sky.

Tears streaming down his cheeks, Sirius stepped back out into the rain and heard the voices of approaching people. He looked around and saw Muggles coming toward the house with astonished looks on their faces.

Sirius transformed and pushed through the crowd, which parted easily. He trotted miserably down the muddy road, his tail sagging, his head drooping. He passed a group of people he recognized as wizards walking quickly from the house, and they were muttering in low voices. He edged nearer to them and caught the words, "That's right. I heard Dumbledore talking. The Fidelius Charm, it was. I've heard that it was Sirius Black who was the Secret-Keeper."

"_Sirius Black_ betrayed them? But he was always such a clown!"

"He was probably tortured… No one can blame him." the group shuddered and Sirius raced away from them, his heart pounding. They thought that he was the Secret Keeper. It was then that Sirius realized that so did the rest of the wizarding world. 

He heard one of the people in the group shout, "Tortured or not, he was a traitor! James would have died for him!" making passing Muggles stare.

A wrath like Sirius had never experienced before boiled up at Peter. It started in his stomach and exploded within him.

_"Peter wasn't tortured. He betrayed us. I saw him out the window…"_

Peter had stood by and watched as James and Lily were killed. He had told Voldemort where they were. That _rat_. James had taken him under his wing. Peter, the unpopular whiney fat boy, was protected by James. He didn't deserve James. No one did. 

Tears stung at his eyes and he mentally slapped himself and screamed at himself for crying. He couldn't cry. Men don't cry.

Sirius focused his pent up rage into running. He shot away into the forest, knowing where Peter was going. No doubt Peter was going to be going around town, spreading the rumor about Sirius being the traitor. He would go to Remus first. 

Sirius tripped over an upraised root and leapt back up again, tearing off into the darkness. He ran for hours until the orange streaks that announced the arrival of dawn sliced across the sky. He collapsed from exhaustion, but only allowed his body to rest for five minutes. He was up on his feet again, running past the local farms. He couldn't mess this one up. He would prove that it was Peter. Peter would pay. He approached the busy part of town, slipped behind a house and transformed back into a human. He looked through the crowds and caught a glimpse of Remus with his Muggle sister. They both had tear-streaked faces and Sirius realized that they must've heard the news. He began to head toward them. Remus looked up and spotted him. There was a mixture of uncertainty and disgust on his face. Sirius stopped short as he saw Peter talking to them with a sorrowful look on his face. 

The rage flared up. Sirius clutched his wand under his robes. Peter walked away from them, his face immediately dropping the sympathy look and smirking. Sirius stormed over, visibly shaking with fury. He pushed a man out of the way and approached Peter from behind. He clamped his hand on his shoulder and swung him around. At the sight of Sirius' face Peter paled. He forced a smile.

"S-Sirius. How are you?"

"Peter." He said in a low hiss. "I know."

Peter gulped and didn't say anything, though the question was written all over his face: how?

Sirius clenched his teeth. "Do you know how Voldemort killed James?"

Peter shook his head, trembling.

"YES YOU DO!" he snarled. "DON'T LIE, WORMTAIL. You were RIGHT THERE!" he lowered his voice back to a controlled one. Muggles were beginning to stare. "You know how I know, Wormtail?" he asked softly. He didn't wait for an answer. "You know, the Cruciatus Curse didn't kill James right away. When the wall collapsed onto him he didn't immediately die. DO YOU KNOW HOW I KNOW THAT?"

Peter flinched and muttered, "No."

"Because," Sirius said, his voice dangerously low, "He was still alive when I got there. James saw you, Wormtail. He died knowing you were a traitor."

His words finally seemed to hit home. Peter took a disbelieving step back before he noticed the wand clenched in Sirius' hand.

Sirius raised his wand above his head and started to scream a curse. He never finished. The world around him exploded soundlessly as a bright light blinded him. He was blown a meter backwards by the wave of heat, but he didn't fall. Gray smoke swirled around him angrily, cutting him off from the rest of the world.

The dust slowly settled, and screams rose into the air. Right in front of him was a crater so deep that it cracked the sewers. He saw a rat slink through the crack, pausing once to turn and almost smirk at Sirius. He looked around at the bodies and saw Remus kneeling by a body that looked strangely familiar…

Remus looked up at him with hatred blazing from his eyes, and realization dawned upon Sirius.

The body was what was left of Remus' sister.

Sirius realized that his wand was still in the air and his hand fell deftly to his side. A panic like no other gripped him. They thought he had done this. This would 'prove' his treason. 

He cracked. 

All of the unshed tears, all of the grief, all of the tension and stress snapped inside of him. 

He burst out laughing.

It wasn't the fun, mischievous laugh of his schooldays. It was a crazed, unhinged, uncontrolled laughter.

Everything went wrong. Everything. Everyone who cared was gone.

An assortment of pops announced the arrival of Hit Wizards and Ministry officials. Some were looking around at the bodies in dazed disbelief, some in fear, some in pity. One by one, their eyes returned to the laughing lunatic and realization seized them as they recognized the fun-loving, joking class clown from school.

Someone grabbed his hands from behind and snapped them in handcuffs. All at once the officials swarmed up to him, their wands raised, putting all sorts of charms on him. One grabbed his hands, tied a rope around the handcuffs, and jerked him into a box alongside himself and several other officials.

Sirius was still laughing.

He made no protests when they arrested him. The last thing he saw before the box transported him was the look of disgust on Remus' face. 

He was in a cell and had stopped laughing. The officials were looking at him, sickened. He recognized some of them as his former colleagues. All at once one of them snarled a graphic insult at him and lunged toward him.

Sirius made no move to stop him.

He was barreled over by the officer, who punched him across the face, instantly breaking his jaw with a loud crack. The officer kicked him and spat at him while punching him continually.

Sirius kept his eyes and mouth firmly closed, forcing himself not to respond.

The officer stood up and pulled out his wand. Sirius opened his eyes and stood up, calmly facing the man, though inside he was screaming.

"You killed my WIFE!" The man roared.

He lifted his wand and Sirius closed his eyes. This was it. He had heard about how Crouch had given Aurors the power to kill instead of capture.

"AVADA KE – " 

"Archibald!" A voice said sharply.

Sirius opened his eyes and saw someone snatch the man's wand away. When his rescuer turned to face him, however, it wasn't much better.

It was Mad-Eye Moody.

Sirius saw Moody take a deep breath to calm his fury. Disgust, hatred and repulsion shot out of his eyes at Sirius and he turned back around to Sirius' attacker, apparently too disgusted to speak to Sirius.

"Archibald," Moody said, "Crouch ordered us to hold him here. As much as I'm sure you, along with many other people in this room, would like to kill this bit of scum, we must obey orders."

It was as if Sirius was slapped across the face. He had heard Moody speak that way to other Death Eaters, but it was totally different to be at the receiving end of the insults.

Footsteps echoed down the hall and Sirius saw none other than Barty Crouch himself standing on the other side of the bars.

"You're in Azkaban for life, _Black_. Be glad you don't get your soul sucked."

"I don't get a trial?" Sirius asked softly.

"No. We all saw what happened. Why should there be a trial? Really, it'd all just be a chance for all your friends to show how much they hate you now."

Crouch motioned to something and two looming Dementors swept up behind him. The door to the cell creakily swung open and the two creatures grabbed his arms. He got a glimpse of Moody's face. Unlike all of the others, it held a slight twinge of pity. 

His face was wiped away as blackness swirled around him. James face before he died loomed up in front of him. Sirius' knees collapsed and he fell to the floor. The Dementors kept dragging him.

"JAMES!" He screeched, reliving the night. "James, don't you dare die on me! JAMES!"

Lily's eyes, open and glassy, seemed to swallow him up. "LILY!" Tears were running down his cheeks. He failed James' last request… Harry was going to grow up neglected and unloved.

Sirius regained enough sanity to scream, "PETTIGREW…WORMTAIL! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS! YOU'LL PAY WITH YOUR LIFE!"

Reality flickered in front of him again. He saw Crouch down the hall, looking satisfied. The Aurors all either looked unconvinced or confused. His eyes locked on Moody. Moody was looking at him strangely, and seemed to make a move to stop the Dementors, but thought better of it. He stared at Sirius as Sirius' eyes slipped unfocused again. Sirius started screaming incoherently about James and Lily. Once amid the screaming the words 'I'm sorry, Remus' spilled out before he was dragged around the corner.

Sirius relived the last days over and over, like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. He remembered all of the fights he and James had had, all of the times he was ungrateful, and the thoughts always ended with the final request that Sirius had failed to carry out. He remembered the official's face, twisted in sorrow and contorted in rage. He remembered the insults that Moody, whose opinion he had held so highly, had thrown at him. 

He was tossed into a boat with the Dementors. When he landed he shook the boat so violently that the icy water splashed onto his tattered robes.

"Innocent." He said firmly in one of his times of consciousness. "I'm innocent."

But his thoughts were flooded over with soundless videos of the past couple of days. Imagining what happened before he got there. Imagining what could have been.

He was roughly shoved into a towering black fortress and led past the cells of criminals, some of whom Sirius himself had caught.

He passed the cell with a man he had known from school. The past two years he and his partner had been working to prove his innocence. The man stared hollowly at him as Sirius was pushed past him. He was led higher and higher, into the frigid air, until he came to a high-security cell. He was thrown in without ceremony.

His head slammed onto the ground and a trickle of blood slid down his face.

The room was made of flat cement-like stuff, with no windows. His door was six inches thick, with on way to look out except a small opening with bars on them.

The Dementors stood in front of his door and Sirius clutched his head as he heard James' hoarse voice in his dying moments.

He opened his mouth and screamed.


End file.
